Our sinful humanity, woundedness,brokeness
- a recognition that "all have sinned" (Romans 3 verse 23)
- see Allender's Book
- context - we are post the fall in Genesis Chapter 3
we are hurt and hurting
our wound needs to be cleaned, washed
healing balm applied
signs - fears, pain, shame,
see Living Waters
I was recently looking at recovery rescources and realised there was very little about anger
and yet anger is often a huge issue for us as survivors.
what I write here, now, is sadly an introduction,
the start of a journey.
We need more than anger management
as useful as it is as a survivor mechanism.
but its based on controlling anger so we don't hurt or offend others, rather than dealing with our underlying issues.
I find anger arises when the massive "fight ior flight" mechanism ,
which kicked in during csa, is activated in situations where I ought to be able to negotiate my way through a situation where I am told to do something which I have reason to be concerned could endanger me as an adult.
When someone in authority doesn't respond to my legitimate concerns, rather than firmly stating my case,
as I draw from my inner strength
I tap into my efforts to resist, to fight off, the evil offender during csa and find that rather than memories of being listened to,
and the massive reserve of inner anger comes out. then I realise I have over reacted and lose ground in my negotiations or the negotiations break down.
Sadly, very few people would understand or accomodate what is seen as out of control anger
few are able to work with us when the hurt little boy within
comes to the aid of the adult me with the rage of a hurt little boy
fighting for survival.
These memories need healing
and new pathways of thought taping into calm firmness need to be built as part of the renewing of our mind.
lets keep working on this one